Chapter 10: The Pack

Chapter 10: The Pack
The next week passed fairly uneventfully. I spent most evenings either at the Cullen’s or Bella’s house. We mostly just talked, getting to know each other better; or rather, them getting to know me.

It was hard for me, watching them, knowing that this relatively carefree atmosphere couldn’t last; and yet I could do nothing. I could only do as I had been doing, and watch. But I didn’t think this way often. I was generally distracted by the goings on around me. I was making other friends too, people I didn’t even know about. There seemed to be crowds around me everywhere I went, asking questions almost faster than I could answer, only deterred at lunch time when Alice and Edward’s presence made them uncomfortable. This allowed me time to get to know Angela and Ben, and I was soon joking and chatting with them like we were old friends. Mike continued to help me with my Spanish, and even joined us in the cafeteria once or twice.

The subject of the dance came up almost immediately. On Monday, Alice arrived at our table with an enormous grin on her face, proudly announcing that she had been put in charge of the organisation of the spring dance on Saturday night. She, Angela and I fell into discussions of dresses, shoes, hair and make up right away. I did, however, catch Bella’s trademark grimace at the thought of dancing, and the ‘please-don’t-make-me-do-this’ look she threw Edward. I wasn’t interested enough to watch his response.

On Tuesday, I was at the Cullen’s after school, and Alice convinced me to have another go on the piano. I was nervous, because Edward was there; but I sucked it up and managed to get through a fairly simple arrangement of Für Elise from memory with minimal mistakes.

I had just finished when my phone rang, the sound so unexpected that it made all of us jump. I dug it out of my bag and answered without bothering to check the caller ID.

“Hello?”

“Hey Becky Boo.”

“Alex!”

I was ecstatic to speak to Alex. We hadn’t had any contact in all the time I had been away, and just hearing his voice was heavenly.

“Becky Boo,” Emmett snorted. I rolled my eyes and smacked him round the head.

“One sec Lexi... Emmett, if you’re going to make fun of me, at least do it when you’re not within my reach.”

“Something up?” Alex asked.

“No, Emmett’s just being an ass, but what else is new.”

He laughed with me. Emmett pouted.

“Love you really Em,” I called over my shoulder as I stepped into the kitchen for some semblance of privacy.

“How are you?” I asked as soon as I was alone.

“Bored, frustrated, and thoroughly pissed.” He answered with a huff.

“Aww, poor baby,” I cooed. “What’s up?”

“Dad got a new girlfriend.”

“Is that a problem?”

“Not really, but... it’s just... Samantha isn’t exactly...what you’d expect...for Dad.”

“Why? What is she like?”

“Well, she’s... she’s nice, in her way. She’s only 25, and she’s already semi retired.”

“What?” I giggled.

I could hear him smiling. “It’s true. She’s an ex-Playboy centre-fold with a part time modelling career still going. She’s your typical California girl – blond hair, blue eyes, glaringly obvious breast augmentation...” He laughed. “Seriously, those things are like watermelons. I’m talking Katie Price huge”

I smiled too. His mood and my mood were directly linked.

“Look Lex, I understand it’s difficult to accept someone new in your dad’s life, especially someone you don’t approve of. But as long as he’s happy, that’s what matters. It’s not your decision to make. Okay?”

Alex sighed. “Yeah Becks, I get it. Think I’m gonna be the same with our kids? I probably won’t think anyone is good enough for them.”

I smiled sadly. “Maybe.”

There was silence for a moment. I could just imagine Alex digesting what he had said to try and find the cause of my sadness. He knew me so well, I had no doubt that he could hear it. I imagined I could even hear the click as his brain worked it out.

“Oh God Becky, I’m sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset.”

I had to giggle. He sounded so funny as he rapidly backtracked. “It's okay Alex, I don't mind. It's just kind of depressing, you know? Thinking about something that will never happen.”

“Becky, you can't think like that. You're so much stronger than the others, I just know you're going to be fine. Please sweetheart, don't be sad.”

I smiled. He always knew just what to say to make me feel better, but on this particular topic, I was a lost cause. I couldn't shake the feeling that my Mistake was on it's way; inevitable, like a hurricane following its course to the end. The end of everything.

“Don't you ever imagine it at all?” Alex asked in a whisper, bringing me back to reality. “Being grown up, living in the big house, surrounded by kids.”

I sighed; it was a lovely picture he painted, and everything I could ever want. “Tell me more.” I begged.

He chuckled. “All right. Try this. Imagine it's twenty years from now. We're married, we're happy. My grandparents have given us the house. Maybe they still live there, maybe they've moved out, you choose.”

I considered for a moment. “They're living with us. Their health is starting to decline, but we take care of them.”

“Perfect. Alright, we take care of them. And there's kids, tons of kids. Six or maybe seven, all girls. A whole crowd of little Beckys.”

I laughed. “That's your dream? It sounds like a nightmare to me.”

He chuckled quietly. “I think it's perfect. That's what I imagine for us, our life.”

I hummed. “It does sound nice.”

Alex sighed heavily. “God Becks, I miss you so much. Tell me you'll be home soon,” he almost begged.

“Well, it's Tuesday here, and I come back on Sunday. That help?”

“Now I feel selfish. It's Wednesday here; I don't have to wait as long as you do.”

I giggled. “Don't worry baby, it's not so bad. There's a dance on Saturday night, that should distract me.”

“Oh really? Got a date yet?” he joked.

“Not yet, but I think Mike might be planning to ask me. He seems kind of interested.”

“Doesn't he have a crush on Bella?”

I smiled. “Yep. But you know what boys are like. Always changing their minds.”

He was suddenly serious. “Not me. I'll never change my mind about you.”

“Me either.”

“Wish I could go to the dance with you.” he mumbled, and I could hear him pouting.

“Me too.”

“Yeah. Oh, one sec Becks.”

There was silence for a moment. When Alex spoke again, he sounded upset.

“Sorry Becky, I have to go. Dad wants me to go riding with him. I'll call you when I can, okay?”

“Alright Lexi. I love you.”

“Love you too. See you Sunday.”

“See you.”

We hung up at the same time, something we always did. We didn't even think about it any more, it just happened. Neither of us wanted to be the first to go.

As soon as Alex’s voice was gone, I felt sad. I didn't realise until he was gone just how much I really missed him when we were apart.

I wandered back into the living room and put my phone away. I didn't stay much longer, declining Esme's offer of dinner. I really just wanted to be alone right then.

By Wednesday, Alice’s dance plans were in full swing, and she had successfully roped me into helping. Mike did indeed ask me to the dance after Spanish, and I politely declined, telling him I had a boyfriend. Unfortunately, that didn't stop Tyler having a go at lunchtime. I managed to keep my cool, calmly explaining that it didn't feel right going out with another boy, even as friends, when Alex was so far away. That did manage to register, and I didn't have to field any more unwelcome advances the rest of the day.

As the week progressed, my longing for Alex grew and grew and grew. I couldn't stop thinking about him; he was in my dreams every night, and in my thoughts almost every second. I searched desperately for distractions, and on Thursday, I decided to head down to La Push and see Jake. I had yet to explain my presence here or where I had come from to the pack, and I didn't want Sam to think I couldn't be trusted.

I debated internally as I drove down the winding forest road; did I go to his house and hope he was in? Or should I go into the centre of the village and hope to come across him there? In the end I decided it would be too complicated – not to mention stressful – trying to explain who I was to Billy should Jacob not be there, and drove straight to First Beach.

Luck was with me. As I pulled into the parking lot, I saw the figures huddled together around a burnt out fire. It wasn't raining, but the sky was murky and overcast, a storm threatening to break any second. The hulking silhouettes of the wolves were the only signs of life, besides the occasional passing car.

As I cut my engine, I saw them lift their heads to look at me. One figure – Jacob, I could see now – broke away from the crowd and began jogging across the asphalt towards me. I smiled as I climbed out of the car and raised the hood of my raincoat.

“Hey Becky!” Jake crowed, sounding much more happy than he had last week. “How are you?” He slung one arm around my shoulder as we walked towards where the others waited.

“Fine thanks Jake. Hey, sorry I flipped out on you last week. Yelling at you like that... it wasn't nice, and I didn't mean to be cruel.”

He shrugged non-committally. “No big deal. You said too much, I get it. It happens sometimes. I shouldn't have tried to push you.”

I smiled. “Are we going to trade apologies back and forth all afternoon, or actually have a productive conversation?”

Jacob laughed, but didn't reply. We had reached the small crowd by this point and I did my best to smile in a friendly way; one that hopefully didn't say 'I know everything about you, all your secrets and the best way to piss you of, and you don't know a thing about me, but trust me anyway'. That would not have been a good vibe.

All the wolves were wearing knee length jeans and dark coloured, skin-tight t-shirts; much lighter clothing than any other human would wear in the current weather conditions – less than I was wearing at least. There wasn't anyone else around, which was probably why they could get away with it. There were eight of them, including Jacob, which surprised me. I had gotten the impression that Quil hadn't phased until part way through Eclipse, yet there he was, looking at me curiously from between a rather anxious looking young man, who I recognised by his mental voice as Paul, and the slightly younger Embry. A woman – Leah – also stood slightly back from the group, with a smiling boy beside her who must have been Seth. That was a real shock. I wondered idly when the Clearwaters' first phases had been, but thought it would be rude to ask.

The tallest man, Sam, greeted me with a smile and introduced everyone around the circle, although it was fairly easy to figure out that Jared was the only one I hadn't identified already. Still, I kept my smile in place and nodded politely to each person.

“So,” Embry said after the introductions were over, “Have we got ourselves another vampire girl? Or is this one a witch.”

I laughed. “A bit of both, I guess, minus the whole 'hubble bubble' thing. And I’m just friends with the vampires, not dating one, so lets leave that title to Miss Swan, shall we?” I quirked an eyebrow at him before I continued into a short summary of the Necklace and its powers. Of course, then the wolves had questions, which I did my best to answer, and then Seth asked for a demonstration of what I could do. After checking that no one was around to see, I casually clicked my fingers and the smoking fire flared up with bright blue-green flames, the driftwood logs pulled back together from the ashes. I laughed as the Quileutes all jumped back in surprise.

“You never told us,” Sam said when he had recovered, “What are you actually here for? What reason do you have for visiting us?”

I shrugged. “I felt like it. I was bored of normal life, and needed a change. My boyfriend noticed I was restless and suggested I come here, since I’m so obsessed with the Twilight books.”

“He knows about you?” Jared asked.

I barely had time to nod before Leah huffed in frustration.

“Well that's just peachy,” she grumbled. “I'm sure it's wonderful to be able to tell everyone you meet all about yourself. Sorry to burst your bubble sweetheart, but life's not so easy for the rest of us.”

She wheeled and began to run towards the parking lot. Several of the others called out to her, but she ignored them, racing into to tree line across the road. I saw her leap forward, leaving a cloud of shredded fabric behind as she phased; her grey tail disappeared into the trees before anyone had time to react.

Seth started after her, but Paul grabbed his hand. “Leave her. You know how she gets when she's in one of these moods.”

“Sorry about that,” Jacob said to me, “Leah's still adjusting. And I think she's kind of a bitch anyway.”

I frowned. “Yeah, well, you lot aren't exactly making it easy for her.”

The boys all turned to me with looks of surprise and confusion, clearly wondering what was making me so grumpy all of a sudden. I sighed.

“You're completely clueless, aren't you? She's the only girl in a group of guys, and she has share your minds. She has to face the love her ex has for her cousin – not that I’m blaming you for that Sam, I know it's involuntary – every single day. On top of that, she's dealing with an enormous change in herself, plus the death of her father; the way you all treat her isn't exactly helping. Do you ever think that maybe she doesn't want to be 'one of the boys' for the rest of her life?”

They all just gawked at me, completely stunned by my outburst. I huffed and shook my head. “Why do I even bother?”

I stepped around the fire, heading in the same direction Leah had gone.

“You'll never catch her!” Seth called. “She's fast, and she has a head start.”

“Yeah?” I looked over my shoulder at him. “Well, I'm pretty fast too.”

I shifted to my vampire form, smirking at the astonished faces and wrinkled noses that comprised their reaction and took of at top speed, following Leah's scent through the woods. Seth was right, she was fast. Perhaps a different mode of transport was in order.

Still running, I concentrated, trying to make my powers work without speaking; I didn't have time for the whole 'I wish' spiel right now. My focus seemed to pay off, and I felt the power flow through me. Slotting in a mental get-out clause so my clothes didn't get ruined, I whispered, “Wolf,” and leaned forward. Paws hit the ground instead of my hands as my clothes melted away, and I smiled triumphantly as I picked up the pace. Four legs definitely went faster than two.

What do you want? a disgruntled voice asked me. Good, Leah could hear me. That would make everything easier.

Yeah, cos being in someone else’s head is just peachy.

I just want to talk to you Leah.

Well, I don't want to talk to you. I don't care how you got here, just get out before I come back and give you a limp.

I sighed. I’m trying to be sympathetic. I know how the guys treat you, and I want to see that that treatment isn't justified. You are making that shockingly difficult.

Oh, boo hoo. Leah huffed.

I had caught up to her by then, and she gave up trying to run, turning to glare at me, teeth bared. I whimpered and stepped back in surrender. I wasn't afraid, but a fight between us would be the opposite of helpful right now.

Why do you care? Leah sneered. Why don't you just go back to your perfect little life and stop interfering with mine. I don't want or need your sympathy.

I know. I answered. She waited for me to say more, but I didn't. I couldn't.

You're lucky. She whispered. You have love and family. You can choose who you love, instead of having some freaky force decide it for you, or make you this genetic dead end. You didn't turn into a giant wolf in the middle of your living room and cause your dad's heart attack, because no one was looking out for the signs of it coming just because you're a girl. You didn't cause the resulting stress that pulled your brother into this too. You're lucky.

I couldn't speak for a moment. Of course I knew about Harry’s heart attack; I just didn't realise it was Leah's first phase that triggered it. Or that she felt so responsible.

It's not your fault. I murmured softly, placatingly. You didn't choose this.

Did you?

No.

Leah was pulled up short. She seemed to think that I had asked for this, that it was something I enjoyed and wanted.

I do enjoy it. I said, still calm. Sometimes. But I never asked to be chosen. I never asked to be given this responsibility. It's hard; you don't know how hard. At least you had a whole pack of people to help you. Familiar faces, people you know, even if they do irritate you. You can share this with your brother. You can tell your mother. You have almost ten people here to help you. Me... I have one. I can't tell anybody. Alex is the only one who knows about me at home. Yes, I tell a lot of people when I travel, but that's just to make things easier. I don't tell everybody; just the people who need to know. Besides... I gave her my best wolfy grin. Turning into a giant wolf is way cooler than what I can do. This feels amazing!

I started running around the little clearing we were in, chasing my tail and leaping over fallen logs, trying to work some of the excess energy in my muscles. Leah laughed at me, a throaty, barking laugh along with her human laugh in my head, but I didn't mind. It was nice to hear her happy. I calmed down after a minute, puffing and panting.

I think you're the lucky one Leah. You can stop whenever you want. You can get away from this. I can't; I’m stuck with my fate for the rest of my life... to the bitter end. Although that's not so far away, really. I pictured the other Sisters, remembered their mistakes, brought forward the ticking clock that was always in the back of my mind, counting down to the time when my mistake would be.

Leah gasped. They'll kill you?

I shook my head. Not kill. Remove. It will be like I was never born. I sighed. You could die tomorrow, and people would remember you. Your mum and your brother and the rest of the pack would mourn for you. When I go, no one will mourn. No one will remember. There will be someone else in my place... or there might just be an empty space. Alex will love someone else, marry someone else, grow old and die with someone else. And I will have to sit and watch that, and watch another innocent girl go through everything I went through, and try to help her if I can. I’ll do my best; that's all I can do.

Leah sat down on the grassy forest floor, and I sat too, lying down with my head on my paws as she thought over everything I had told her.

How are you not freaking out? she asked, her voice sombre. I’d be terrified if it was me. Or I’d go crazy worrying. How do you stay calm?

I shrugged. I’ve accepted it. I know it will happen, and that there's no way out. I chuckled. Alex doesn't agree. He wants me to fight it, try to figure out why the Necklace exists so that I can break the cycle. He believes in me, even though I don't believe in me.

He sounds like a good man. Leah thought.

He will be, one day. I agreed. But we're still just kids. He has a long way to go before he's done growing up. He'll make a lucky girl very happy someday. I trailed off, feeling dejected again.

Don't give up hope. She encouraged me. I've known you all of half an hour, and I can see you are strong and determined; no one else has bothered trying to talk to me when I don't want to talk, like you did. Whatever curse has been placed upon you, I have no doubt that you will break it.

We fell into contented silence; there was nothing more that could be said without us going round in circles or beginning to argue, and we both knew it. After about half a minute, Leah leaned back and raised her nose in the air, letting out a loud howl. I copied her, just for the hell of it. She laughed at me again, especially when I sat there like a dog, grinning widely with my tongue lolling out of my mouth. I saw myself in her minds eye, really looking at this new wolf form for the first time.

I was pure white, with a few tiny spots of what appeared to be grey. These actually turned out to be an iridescent silver that sparkled in the weak light filtering through the storm clouds; I didn't know if they would always be there, or if they were just a by-product of my having shifted into a wolf from my vampire form. My nose was pale pink where the others had black noses, and my muzzle was long and thin, like Leah's, a more feminine line than would be seen on the boys. My eyes were still the same colour too, though they were twice as big and much more round. I could see a slight change in the colouring of my fur around my eyes, making it almost look like I still had glasses on. It was odd not having the lenses in front of my eyes after so long, but the enhanced eye sight was worth the weirdness.

Wow, Becky makes a pretty good wolf. Jared commented, alerting me to the fact that my head suddenly felt very crowded, as ten other minds tried to share the space.

Whoa, dizzy. I said, shaking my head a little. How do you guys cope with that?

Well, we didn't have it all come along at once. Jacob joked good naturedly as the others filed into the clearing one by one. Shouldn't you be used to this? I mean, you said you were a mind reader.

My telepathy is selective. I patiently explained. I choose when I want to hear people, unless they deliberately throw their thoughts at me. If I was like Edward, hearing everything all at once, I think I’d go stir crazy. I don't know how that boy copes.

Boy! Paul scoffed. I growled.

I know you don't like him, but he's my friend, they all are, and I’d appreciate it if you'd leave the slander for when I’m not around. I thought grumpily. Say whatever you like, just wait until I’m out of hearing range.

Leave Becky alone, Paul. Sam said softly, but with a subtle edge of authority. She's allowed to socialise with whoever she wants. If she wants to be friends with the Cullens as well as us, I won't stop her. I certainly won't rescind my friendship because of who she chooses to hang out with at other times.

I smiled. Thanks Sam. That means a lot. Now, if you don't mind, I think I’m going to go back to sharing my brain with me myself and I before I get a headache.

The wolves all laughed and sent various goodbyes my way.

When are you coming back? Seth asked eagerly, his sandy tail whipping back and forth.

I don't know. I admitted. I’m actually going home on Sunday morning, and I won't be able to come back for a long time after that.

I know. Jacob piped up. How about you come say goodbye to us on Saturday night? I think there's something going on that night.

There's a dance at school. I nodded. That's a good idea Jake. If you guys meet me on the beach around eleven, we can say our goodbyes with no interruptions. Head home if I’m not there by midnight though; I don't want to keep you up.

Several wolves scoffed.

Please. Embry said, rolling his big eyes at me. We stay up later than that for patrols on a nightly basis.

Yeah, and you get grounded for it. I reminded him, which made the others laugh.

I really do have to go now guys. I said apologetically, and there was another round of goodbyes before I headed back to the beach for my car.